So I just wrote the boy and told him that I would like to come over and talk to him tomorrow night, with the intention of telling him about my depressing credit score, scary collection nazis, and deep need to get a new car quickly with my $800 savings and no spare room in my budget. It's your voice in my head telling me it's okay and to not be scared. This dad business is forcing my hand today. I not only have to deal with my issues, I have to reach out for support. If I need/want him standing next to me when I walk into a dealership, he needs to know what awful things they may say to me before they say them so we aren't in that situation in public. I'm very nervous that every time I make a choice in the future to buy something instead of save something or pay off someone that he is going to judge me. This is my biggest fear I think. Not that he will see me as a bad potential long term partner, or anything else...just that when I buy new flip flops or go out to dinner, he will be thinking of my debt and judging me, when I'm already doing it enough for both of us, but I like my life, even if this is where it has gotten me.
I am also writing here that while I have the brief thought that moving in with him would save so much fucking money - I will not let that be the reason we ever combine households, nor will I ever be the one to bring up invading his space, I would like it be organic just like the love thing, and be invited in an overwhelming moment for him.
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honey, it's going to go just fine. if nothing else, it'll show him how much faith and trust you have in him to share something like this with him. a lot of couples go their whole lives without talking about this stuff because of the shame that comes along with it.
ReplyDeletejust remember - IT IS NOT A SHAMEFUL THING this situation you're in. i know it's hard to feel that way or to tell yourself that because the feeling is so overwhelming, but - let me tell you - i finance houses for people EVERYDAY that are in far worse financial straits than you are. your situation is not dire. they aren't going to take anything essential away from you.
and it's the same with doggie dr. you guys have been through a lot together and i don't think that this will be any bigger or smaller. but you need to communicate your fear of his judgment to him and let him know that that's something you're not going to stand for, you know? no one has the right to judge you or make you feel small about anything - especially this stuff. and the fact that you WANT to do something about it and that you understand that where you're at may not be the best, but your intention is to better it, should be a good sign to him.
when it comes down to it, i've seen your budget and, unless it has changed dramatically since i last saw it, you have the room to get what you want out of a car - it's just about priortizing. and you need to priortize your mental well-being right now and it looks like that's getting a new car, having reliable transportation so you don't have to worry about breaking down in some random place and knowing that you have the option to go see your dad whenever you want to because you know you'll get there safely. your mental well-being is worth $400/mo for a few years, right.
as well, when you do this and pay the payments on time every month, your credit situation is going to SKYROCKET into a good place. you should totally do this.