Thank you. I am more proud of it than I can really express to anyone, so I'm glad you get it. This is really a tangible object of all the things I have done in my career this year and what I want from my future. No one really gets that - especially since it's not perfectly designed and beautiful - but it is seriously powerful under the hood - he really isn't going to ever fully understand how much I really did for him. It is a very awesome achievement for me on many levels. (*Even if now I am 2 days behind at work because of it.)
No thank you. In fact, I drove to work realizing there is no Thank you. I was a little sad, but it's Steve, so I know it's not intentional. I hope it's not intentional. As long as he is happy and pays me. (I have concerns, but I would have done it anyway, but after there was flaking on him, I would be bummed if he flaked on me.) Last night I said "Can you give me until Monday, I have a real job to do because I got this promotion and people are counting on me to deliver?" and he said "No, tomorrow" and I said "you aren't paying me" and he said "how much" and I told him a big but very fair number for my time and hours invested and said I would drop everything and work on it for the next 8 hours and make it live by morning for that number. I made it live at 1am after 1200 phone calls, texts and emails with funny drawings from him. I sent him my address and a letter explaining why I wanted to do this in the first place, finally telling him about my Dad and what this family has done for me, and that the money was going to my car and trips home and that it all really meant a lot to me that he trusted me to do this for me. I would really just like him to say he is happy or loves it or some validating thing though. I know he does because he is playing with it - but I'm a needy girl who needs words.
:) i'm glad that you know that you aren't going to get a thank you - it's totally not intentional, that's just how he is. but you know you're going to get those mushy looks from him from now on that he gives me all the time. i've realized (after a little time) those become more than enough. i think his "all i ever wanted" post should be good words for you and a generalized "thank you". and he won't flake on the money. :)
I knew that I was probably doing a good job when randomly last night I got a message on FB from Hoffee saying that I rock. That could have only come from Steve sharing my work. It was motivating.
I love that fucker more than I can ever say. I only want him to continue to be successful so he can continue to make me music. So I guess it was all pretty selfish anyway. I just hope that maybe this will improve our awkward history of my hysterics from the 2004 tour when I was starting anti-depressants and drank and was a crying Poltz whore stalking them around the state. I always wondered if Steve remembered that, and if I'd ever shake that, so I've always been weird around him because of it. I'd happily have some mushy glances now instead of wondering if he thinks I'm a nutcase who slept with his friends.
and it should speak to you as well that hoffee was impressed enough to go out of his way to let you know that he knew and appreciated it. he doesn't do that alot. that's pretty rad.
and you know, in '04, he was so freakin' cracked out that i don't think he remembers or cares much about what happened then. i wouldn't worry about it.
Thank you. I am more proud of it than I can really express to anyone, so I'm glad you get it. This is really a tangible object of all the things I have done in my career this year and what I want from my future. No one really gets that - especially since it's not perfectly designed and beautiful - but it is seriously powerful under the hood - he really isn't going to ever fully understand how much I really did for him. It is a very awesome achievement for me on many levels. (*Even if now I am 2 days behind at work because of it.)
ReplyDeleteNo thank you. In fact, I drove to work realizing there is no Thank you. I was a little sad, but it's Steve, so I know it's not intentional. I hope it's not intentional. As long as he is happy and pays me. (I have concerns, but I would have done it anyway, but after there was flaking on him, I would be bummed if he flaked on me.) Last night I said "Can you give me until Monday, I have a real job to do because I got this promotion and people are counting on me to deliver?" and he said "No, tomorrow" and I said "you aren't paying me" and he said "how much" and I told him a big but very fair number for my time and hours invested and said I would drop everything and work on it for the next 8 hours and make it live by morning for that number. I made it live at 1am after 1200 phone calls, texts and emails with funny drawings from him. I sent him my address and a letter explaining why I wanted to do this in the first place, finally telling him about my Dad and what this family has done for me, and that the money was going to my car and trips home and that it all really meant a lot to me that he trusted me to do this for me. I would really just like him to say he is happy or loves it or some validating thing though. I know he does because he is playing with it - but I'm a needy girl who needs words.
I'm a little tired and emotional today. :)
:) i'm glad that you know that you aren't going to get a thank you - it's totally not intentional, that's just how he is. but you know you're going to get those mushy looks from him from now on that he gives me all the time. i've realized (after a little time) those become more than enough.
ReplyDeletei think his "all i ever wanted" post should be good words for you and a generalized "thank you".
and he won't flake on the money. :)
I knew that I was probably doing a good job when randomly last night I got a message on FB from Hoffee saying that I rock. That could have only come from Steve sharing my work. It was motivating.
ReplyDeleteI love that fucker more than I can ever say. I only want him to continue to be successful so he can continue to make me music. So I guess it was all pretty selfish anyway. I just hope that maybe this will improve our awkward history of my hysterics from the 2004 tour when I was starting anti-depressants and drank and was a crying Poltz whore stalking them around the state. I always wondered if Steve remembered that, and if I'd ever shake that, so I've always been weird around him because of it. I'd happily have some mushy glances now instead of wondering if he thinks I'm a nutcase who slept with his friends.
and it should speak to you as well that hoffee was impressed enough to go out of his way to let you know that he knew and appreciated it.
ReplyDeletehe doesn't do that alot. that's pretty rad.
and you know, in '04, he was so freakin' cracked out that i don't think he remembers or cares much about what happened then. i wouldn't worry about it.