it is not very disciplined of me to write this, but I'm doing it.

I'm very chatty today. I don't know why. :)

So a while ago, you said a word that really stuck with me, about working on discipline. I think back to it every now and then, and I realize that I have none of this stuff you speak of. I often think about how I don't have a lot of will power and I'm not very motivated and I'm kind of lazy, but that I enjoy it and I get most things done when I'm supposed to. But, I could get so much more done and be in such less of a mess if I kicked my own ass every now and again. I can do these big things, but sometimes the simplest things just hang and hang over my head, and then create this anxiety in addition to it all. It's a super lame way of doing business and it's functional, but completely dysfunctional at the same time.

The combination of the events since my birthday with the shooter and other challenges have put a lot of things in perspective, and then yesterday was the straw that broke me. Well that and the whole mental strength of the 1/2 marathon thing. (I cried during it, but it was about pushing forward.) So I have the word discipline written on a post-it on my keyboard. And while I am obviously making a choice to ignore it right now to write this instead of working on coding the bazillion html emails I have to get done, and whatever lame tasks I'm behind on...I'm going to see what I can do to really try and make a change and see if I can pull some of these things together. There have been a lot of points of inspiration recently, there is no reason I should be this lazy. No reason. I can run 13.1 miles, I can pay my bills on time, clean my house and email the people back that I'm supposed to. I can. So today, I'm going to focus on this word and try and not get ADD and see if I can get things done...and then I'm going to go tell the boy all my news and then I'm going to wake up tomorrow and try and start new patterns.